Someone send Ahmed Hassan crashing my yard

I watch very little television in my house, but when I do, it’s usually something on HGTV. One of the shows I catch now and again is Yard Crashers. First of all - cool name! I love the idea of a complete stranger offering his services to do yard work.
I would be the first to yell, “Me, me! Pick me!”

I love my yard and have spent the last. . .going on four years destroying it and rebuilding it. It went from being swamped by Forsythias (also known as skinny yellow weeds) with a practically dead apple tree in the middle that gave me one apple the first summer to no Forsythias at all anywhere and an old apple tree that drops tons of apples (none of which are edible. . .yet).

When I bought my house, I wanted a yard in a big way. While it’s only a quarter acre, it’s all mine. But oh-my-gosh it is not done yet! Every year I have to remove dead plants and add new ones. I’ve planted about eight fruit trees and only one pear tree gave me fruit, Unfortunately, that pear tree was decapitated this year when all that snow snapped it in half. Very sad.

I created this great walkway in my back yard that meanders through the garden so I can walk through it and enjoy the color and scents. Now I have a firepit that I put together myself, but no seating around it because, uh, well, that area of the yard is very wet and unlevel. It’s more like a swimming hole. And, well, let's just say I am so NOT a person who believes in using a level.

I have this great deck on the back that I adore and tend to sit on and write in the summer, but I want to extend the retaining wall underneath it so I can have more flowers. And there’s no place to put my grill so it sits on the corner of the driveway. I’m thinking of adding a lower floating deck and make that the grilling area.

My front yard has this terrific front porch, but honestly, I have completely neglected the front yard. There is a Flowering Quince that I have hacked and trimmed, and pampered, but it doesn’t exactly give me much color so I’m thinking this summer it has got to take a nosedive. Time to get another fruit tree in the ground. Hmm. I’m thinking peach or nectarine trees.

Oh! I have this gorgeous rock wall down the side of the property. This is actually one of the reasons I bought the house. In the last two years I have tried to plant bulbs and flowers over there, but there is just not enough color there yet either. Part of that is because there is a ton of rocks in my so-called dirt. “Welcome to the Granite State.” HA!

What do I do with the hammock? I have yet to find the perfect spot for it. I’ve moved it three times and none of those places make me want to go hang out on it.

I have a vision so someone please send Ahmed Hassan crashing my yard!