Do clothes make a man?

Hmm…well, let’s examine this.

If you see a man wearing a heavy rock band T-shirt what’s the first thing you think? “Great pecs.” Because chances are the T-shirt is more than likely too tight.
Or how about, “I wonder how many drugs he did when he was in his twenties?” Then again, maybe he still does them. Check the band name. Is it a band around today or one that started back in the seventies? If it's from twenty plus years ago, the guy needs to get over it and grow up.

What about a guy in a plaid, flannel shirt? Now this one might make you think a little more. Are you in the great Northwest when you see this phenomenon? Then maybe he is a lumberjack. That may not be all bad. Just think of the warm nights he could give you.

Are you in the south when you see the plaid, flannel shirt wearing man? That may be a tad bit scarier. I’m thinking, “Redneck” is the first word that comes to mind. Check his truck. Do you see a gun rack hooked inside the cab or a rebel flag hanging from the mirror or the antenna?

What is it with guys in suits? I mean, is it written somewhere that if a man puts on a suit that the stick is automatically inserted someplace that I won’t mention? If the suit fits well, as in it’s been tailored to fit the man then I bet he looks hot in all those crisp, sharp lines. Rather like a man in uniform. Can’t wait to peel him out of all those clothes.

If the suit isn’t tailored then it’s as if the guy just put a sleek cover on a slob. Check his socks. Do they match his suit? If not, I bet he’s a slob and drives beat up old jalopy. It’s all a façade ladies. Watch out.

Oh, wait! What about a leisure suit? You remember those polyester suits that fit a little too snug in places it shouldn’t and look just awful no matter who wears them. Seriously, who the heck thought those were a good idea? Had to be a woman with a great sense of humor. And men buy them. Ladies, watch out for this guy because if he buys a polyester suit he is just as likely to buy the magic beans from a wandering salesman.

Let’s talk about a guy in a uniform. Now, not any uniform will do. Who wants to do a young Navy squid in his sailor whites? Please, bell-bottoms and white and so not a good combination. Then again, Army fatigues don’t do anything for any guy any where. Army green is just plain ugly. Not to mention the way they hang on a guy. And what do they carry in all those pockets? [SHIVER]

Now if we’re talking dress uniforms of Marines. . . “Oorah!” Again, all those nice crisp lines that mold to a terrific set of pecs and biceps. Yummy! This outfit shows you the man can commit and cares about his country. Of course, if the hair was not so short you could picture yourself running your fingers through it or grabbing hold while the Marine takes you for a ride. Yeehaw!

How about plaid knee-length shorts with dark socks and sandals? HA! Yes, we’ve all seen it. And most of us have denied knowing that person. Why wear shorts and sandals if you’re going to ear socks at all? Isn’t the whole point to show off your legs or get a little sun? Please, if you’re going to dress like an old man then stay inside so we don’t have to see.

Here’s another summertime visual for you. Picture yourself walking down the beach with the sand curling in your toes as you walk. The sun is shining and the waves are crashing and all the sudden you see this very tan, very buff dude. As you draw closer to him you stop in your tracks and you chin drops to your chest. Why?

Because the dude is wearing a Speedo. Can you say slingshot? Or banana case? I don’t know what it is with men and their Speedos but they should get over it. If you’re not a competitive swimmer and in a pool then this guy is someone who thinks too highly of himself, whether he has much of a banana or not in those trunks.

Ladies – do you let your man walk out of the house wearing sweatpants and a wife-beater T-shirt? Most the women I know would say, “Hell, no!”

Why? Because are you kidding me? No guy looks sexy in a wife-beater. Like the Speedo wearing man, this guy thinks he looks better than he really does. In fact, he probably has very little muscle at all except in his head. The head sitting on his shoulder that is. All you have conveyed to a woman wearing this outfit is that you are too sexy for yourself. Gym or no gym this is a no-no.

Mmm. A man in a pair of jeans can do it for me anytime. Well, okay, only if they fit and aren’t hanging off his butt so I get a clear shot of his tighty-whities or his boxers or worse. If they aren’t wrinkled like they just came out of the dirty clothes hamper, a man who wears a pair of nice jeans that hug his derriere is hot. Toss in a pair of cowboy boots so it makes his butt that much more firm and you have a winner! Cowboy boots are to men’s butts what 3-inch heels are to a woman’s behind.

Cars, Hero, and Personalities

What does the car your man, boyfriend, or hero drive say about his personality?

Every once and a while I look out my car window, okay, more than once and a while, but the point is I look out the window and notice the driver inside a car next to me. Or when I'm out and about I meet someone and notice what they drive. Yeah, admit it, you’re checking out the car they drive as much as the guy’s ass in the faded jeans. If you’re a man maybe you’re checking out the woman’s assets.

What does that car tell you about that person? How does that relates to your hero/heroine in your story?

It depends on what they drive. Now, this is not a scientific survey, but something that swishes around in my mind. In fact, this started when I was younger when a girlfriend (older friend as I was not driving or dating at the time) of mine used to only date guys who drove "hot" cars. Seriously. She firmly believed the car told her a lot about the guy. Now at age ...oh never mind that...I would have to say that I somewhat agree.

For example, if a man drives a white Oldsmobile Cutlass what does this say about him and does it make good hero status? Here’s my example of how this guy fits or doesn’t fit the hero mold.

My thought on this granny mobile driver is that he doesn’t have a set of you know…balls, gonads, cojones. One of the engineers I work with shot back, “Or they’re hanging too low to the ground they get kicked.” This is the type of guy who would ask you out. Wait! He wouldn’t actually ask you out himself, he would have one of the waitresses at the little local restaurant you visit ask you out on his behalf.

How about a man who drives a Hummer? Not the baby Hummers they came out with, but the original behemoth. What does this say to you?

First, if the guy has to jump out of the Hummer instead of gliding his feet to the ground after opening the car door then he is too damn short to be driving the Hummer. Is your hero an accountant who wears a suit every day to the office, but drives a Hummer?

Then honey, what the heck is he overcompensating for and do you really want to find out?

Let’s say you run into this gorgeous hunk of a man at the gas station, he introduces himself and asks you out on a date. Odd scenario, but it could happen. When you watch him walk away, cuz of course you do, you see that he hops into and drive off in a mini-van. What is the first thing that runs into our heroine’s mind?

The dude is married! He has a wife and 3.2 children at home along with a dog and a mortgage he can’t afford. His “real” car is a ten-year old Chevrolet sedan. You know what this says? This tells you that the dude probably has minimal education and has a job that pays him too little.


Oh! Here’s a good one. You’re standing on the street waiting for the street light to change and a little red sports car zooms by and zips over to the curve. Tipping your sunglasses down on your nose, you take a closer look at the little red Honda S2000 two-door sports car?

Sports car? This is not a real sports car! This is a wanna-be sports car. It makes all the right VROOM VROOM noises, but under the hood does not beat the heart of a Corvette or Porsche. The man who drives this toy is a guy who wants to be perceived as a player when in reality he drives the Honda because it’s safe and cost-effective. This is a guy who takes no risks and is all flash with no action.

What about a truck driver? Hm…this depends on the truck. Are we talking about a Ford Ranger or Nissan Frontier or are we talking about a F-150? How to put this nicely…If a man is tooling around in a 4-cylinder truck, he is not a man, he’s a boy trying to mirror his father only his nuts haven’t dropped yet so he has to wait before he can get a big boy’s toy.

Now, if the man is driving a F-150 and you see a gun rack hanging on the back window and a Confederate flag hanging from his pole…no not that kind of pole, the antenna pole on the truck then darlin’ you better not run for the hills because that is where this hillbilly is heading. And he’ll be hanging out with his cousin, his other cousin, and his cousin’s cousin…it’s a very close family – if you know what I mean.

Note: Beware of the man who drives a truck with a cab on the back…he may be a serial killer in disguise of a local fisherman.

SUVs are for people looking for adventure or maybe they drive off-road, backroad, or any kind of dirt, bumpy road in the boonies. Okay, the living in the boonies can be a scary thing but in the end if you want some quiet time alone with your hero a little bumpy ride to the sticks will get you there. Besides, the man who drives a Jeep Wrangler not the Jeep Liberty sissy mobile (come one, chicks drive that SUV) is likely to go surfing, snowboarding, or off-roading in the mountains for a picnic by a stream.

Whew! This is just a small list of automobiles and the personalities that they portray about the driver, but you get the idea. My girlfriend from long ago was right. Only date guys with the right kind of car.