Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Cars, Hero, and Personalities

What does the car your man, boyfriend, or hero drive say about his personality?

Every once and a while I look out my car window, okay, more than once and a while, but the point is I look out the window and notice the driver inside a car next to me. Or when I'm out and about I meet someone and notice what they drive. Yeah, admit it, you’re checking out the car they drive as much as the guy’s ass in the faded jeans. If you’re a man maybe you’re checking out the woman’s assets.

What does that car tell you about that person? How does that relates to your hero/heroine in your story?

It depends on what they drive. Now, this is not a scientific survey, but something that swishes around in my mind. In fact, this started when I was younger when a girlfriend (older friend as I was not driving or dating at the time) of mine used to only date guys who drove "hot" cars. Seriously. She firmly believed the car told her a lot about the guy. Now at age ...oh never mind that...I would have to say that I somewhat agree.

For example, if a man drives a white Oldsmobile Cutlass what does this say about him and does it make good hero status? Here’s my example of how this guy fits or doesn’t fit the hero mold.

My thought on this granny mobile driver is that he doesn’t have a set of you know…balls, gonads, cojones. One of the engineers I work with shot back, “Or they’re hanging too low to the ground they get kicked.” This is the type of guy who would ask you out. Wait! He wouldn’t actually ask you out himself, he would have one of the waitresses at the little local restaurant you visit ask you out on his behalf.

How about a man who drives a Hummer? Not the baby Hummers they came out with, but the original behemoth. What does this say to you?

First, if the guy has to jump out of the Hummer instead of gliding his feet to the ground after opening the car door then he is too damn short to be driving the Hummer. Is your hero an accountant who wears a suit every day to the office, but drives a Hummer?

Then honey, what the heck is he overcompensating for and do you really want to find out?

Let’s say you run into this gorgeous hunk of a man at the gas station, he introduces himself and asks you out on a date. Odd scenario, but it could happen. When you watch him walk away, cuz of course you do, you see that he hops into and drive off in a mini-van. What is the first thing that runs into our heroine’s mind?

The dude is married! He has a wife and 3.2 children at home along with a dog and a mortgage he can’t afford. His “real” car is a ten-year old Chevrolet sedan. You know what this says? This tells you that the dude probably has minimal education and has a job that pays him too little.

Oh! Here’s a good one. You’re standing on the street waiting for the street light to change and a little red sports car zooms by and zips over to the curve. Tipping your sunglasses down on your nose, you take a closer look at the little red Honda S2000 two-door sports car?

Sports car? This is not a real sports car! This is a wanna-be sports car. It makes all the right VROOM VROOM noises, but under the hood does not beat the heart of a Corvette or Porsche. The man who drives this toy is a guy who wants to be perceived as a player when in reality he drives the Honda because it’s safe and cost-effective. This is a guy who takes no risks and is all flash with no action.

What about a truck driver? Hm…this depends on the truck. Are we talking about a Ford Ranger or Nissan Frontier or are we talking about a F-150? How to put this nicely…If a man is tooling around in a 4-cylinder truck, he is not a man, he’s a boy trying to mirror his father only his nuts haven’t dropped yet so he has to wait before he can get a big boy’s toy.

Now, if the man is driving a F-150 and you see a gun rack hanging on the back window and a Confederate flag hanging from his pole…no not that kind of pole, the antenna pole on the truck then darlin’ you better not run for the hills because that is where this hillbilly is heading. And he’ll be hanging out with his cousin, his other cousin, and his cousin’s cousin…it’s a very close family – if you know what I mean.

Note: Beware of the man who drives a truck with a cab on the back…he may be a serial killer in disguise of a local fisherman.

SUVs are for people looking for adventure or maybe they drive off-road, backroad, or any kind of dirt, bumpy road in the boonies. Okay, the living in the boonies can be a scary thing but in the end if you want some quiet time alone with your hero a little bumpy ride to the sticks will get you there. Besides, the man who drives a Jeep Wrangler not the Jeep Liberty sissy mobile (come one, chicks drive that SUV) is likely to go surfing, snowboarding, or off-roading in the mountains for a picnic by a stream.

Whew! This is just a small list of automobiles and the personalities that they portray about the driver, but you get the idea. My girlfriend from long ago was right. Only date guys with the right kind of car.


Betty Gordon March 9, 2010 at 10:40 AM  

Denise, this was hilarious. Thanks.

Betty Gordon

Betty Gordon March 9, 2010 at 10:40 AM  

Denise, this was hilarious. Thanks.

Betty Gordon

Robin K March 9, 2010 at 10:45 AM  

Fantastic. I am putting up the van for sale tomorrow and kicking my husbands ass for getting a flashy Grand Am. Who is he trying to impress?! And apparently I should not be flaunting anything! Well, to hell with that. I am buying a jeep. The open top kind with roll bars, big lights, camo, and a brush guard! :)

Mark Rosendorf March 9, 2010 at 12:04 PM  

I still like my toys and I'm...uhh..over 21.

Laura Elvebak March 9, 2010 at 1:04 PM  

Very funny, Denise. I'm trying to remember if any of my husbands had their own car - one had a motorcycle - or if I had to provide one. :)

Pauline B Jones March 9, 2010 at 3:36 PM  

LOL! Funny. Of course, for old people like me and the hubs, we buy our vehicles by how easy they are to get into and out of. (grin)

J D Webb March 9, 2010 at 3:40 PM  

So I'm just "zooming" away in my 2005 Buick Century. I get the picture. In my younger days I had four 280 ZX Nissans. And a few too many tickets. In a Century the cops don't worry if I speed. And the looks I receive from the hot chicks are mostly wry smiles. My wife likes it that way.
Great blog.

Denise March 9, 2010 at 7:58 PM  

OK - wait!

Laura - how many husbands are we talking?

Robin - I can so see you going and getting a Jeep and kicking some butt.

Pauline - you are not that old yet so no granny mobiles yet.

JD - loved the 280Zs!

Mark - what I really want to know is what do you drive? a Mini-Cooper? Hm...what does that say?

The Belle in Blue March 12, 2010 at 8:55 AM  

Hmm...when I met my husband, he drove a Ford Econoline van with a bed in the back--what my kids call a rapist van! Actually, I seem to recall that I was the one who attacked him. And since we've been together for 30 years now, I guess I can trust him.

Denise March 12, 2010 at 6:37 PM  

Belle - Seriously? Those vans were huge.

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