The things women talk about…
Haven’t you men always wanted to know what women talk about when they get together? Well, I am about to enlighten you. . .somewhat, partially, a little.
Be warned! This could be dangerous information I am about to expose. If you have sensitive ears or feelings you may not want to read further.
Yesterday, a couple of lady friends and I were chatting. Yes, we chat. We were talking and somehow we got on the subject of “Life Tools for Women.” Don’t ask how we got there but we did. Of course, that got me thinking (very bad) and inspired to write this blog post.
I know, you’re asking yourself, “What the heck are the Life Tools for Women?”
For those of you in the know, you are already laughing. For those of you not in the know, you are about to get a lesson.
Life Tools for Women consists of four things every woman needs for a happy night or a happy life. Yeah, it’s true. We only need four things. Isn’t that amazing? And men think we're high-maintenance. Ha!
Now you want to know what those four things are? Hm, well, be prepared.
#1. Number one is a bottle of wine. It doesn’t matter whether it’s a bottle of white, red, or zinfandel. It could be a wickedly expensive bottle of champagne (my fave!) or a cheap bottle of Muscatel. Wine is wine.
Wine makes daily living easier, less hurried, with fewer tensions and more tolerance.
~ Benjamin Franklin
Reality is an illusion that occurs due to a lack of wine. ~ Anonymous
Good wine is a necessity of life for me. ~ Thomas Jefferson
#2. The second item on the women’s list of Life Tools is good chocolate. Notice that unlike the wine, the chocolate must be good. This is where our taste buds, match our taste in men. Not any chocolate or man will do.
Anything is good if it's made of chocolate. ~ Jo Brand
Chocolate is nature’s way of making up for Mondays. ~ Anonymous
Don't wreck a sublime chocolate experience by feeling guilty. Chocolate isn't like premarital sex. It will not make you pregnant. And it always feels good. ~ Lora Brody
It's not that chocolates are a substitute for love. Love is a substitute for chocolate. Chocolate is, let's face it, far more reliable than a man. ~ Miranda Ingram
#3. The third tool is a romance novel. Yup, you read that correctly. A romance novel. With a bottle of wine and good chocolate the mood is all set for a relaxing evening. Let the fantasy begin! Not just any fantasy. Again, this is boy meets girl, they have hot, steamy sex, boy and girl have conflict, but even in conflict they have sex. When all is said and done, conflict is resolved, they have sex and they live happily ever after.
Okay, that’s my fantasy.
According to one survey, the number one reason women read romance novels is the hero. We get to fall a little bit in love with the hero every time we open a book to read.
In that same survey, the number four reason we read romance novels is the Happily Ever After. We love a great ending and knowing that no matter how many troubles and problems to mount up eventually they are solved and go away. Ahhh.
Maybe if men read more romance novels they would understand women better. BONUS!
#4. Here is where we reach the risqué portion of our tools. Please, if by now you have not figured out where I am going with this then close your eyes, imagine yourself being a woman. Now, you’re sitting in front of a fireplace with your wine, box of chocolates, a steamy, sexy, romance novel, and a. . .TOOL.
Here you have the four Life Tools for Women. Go and enjoy!
Thursday, July 28, 2011
The things women talk about…